Give me a voice that can tremble and burst, Muse. A voice
that creaks like the door you have to sneak through. A voice that suffocates under
its own whirling, whipping dreams. A voice that flies through the teeming
mountains. A voice that dries souls.
Give me notes that can darken the sky and will the snow down
from it. Notes that pop like wet fireworks in the cul-de-sac. Notes that laugh like
cats in the bathtub.
Muse, let the words in my bed imprint themselves on my brain
for everyone else to see. Let the morning light engulf the tapping keys after a
night wasted well. Let the sunbaked waves climb the frigid mountains.
Muse, remind me of how to sleep in less time. Remind me of
those streets where my soul was born. Remind me of the wild fibers of detached
comfort. Remind me of the unraveling bodies. Remind me of the beautiful
melodies, the unfaltering truth behind those words, Muse. Remind me.
I like this...
ReplyDeleteI think it sounds really good... I love all of the comparisons you make (such as the voice that dries souls. I love that line~)
ReplyDeleteA few simple suggestions I could give you (only two, really) would be that in the line with the burning word paper, I would cut out the 'they're on'. It makes it sound a little choppy. I love the line, but it needs... something. Or perhaps something taken away.
And then one last thing I would suggest would be that with the door, instead of sneaking, why don't you try creeping? It gives it better alliteration... at least I think so... creaks like the door you have to creep through. I don't know. Just a suggestion.
It sounds really good, though. It's interesting to read and captivating. Lovely imagery~