Onstage

The light I turned to was artificial.

            There were drums

and you called me the devil but that’s OK

because for just a second, I didn’t have to be me anymore.

I got to be someone else with other problems

            that I didn’t have to deal with.

I got to be free.

I was allowed to get drunk on my words

            without fear for who was watching.

I didn’t have to think about disappointing you

            because onstage, you don’t exist.

There’s a whole other world that you don’t know about

            and I call it Rehearsal.

Everyday from three to five, I get murdered then come back as a ghost,

            I murder kids, I get betrayed,

I watch a bloody play unfold every day and I would’ve been corrupted,

            but I stopped confusing one story for all stories.

Out here the only black and white belongs in the script:

            no hero, no villain, just words and acting.

Onstage, success means to fail better.

So, if you can't handle the drama,

            get off the stage;

Leave it to the people who know

            that Commedia del Arte means Professional Actors,

                        not Comedy of the Arts.

Leave it to the people who can list off Greek gods and Shakespeare plays;

Leave it to the people who have heard the Origins of Western Drama 

            more times than a kid has heard a bedtime story-

Leave it to the people who are brave enough to rip out their hearts

            and hold it out for you to beat with a stick

                        because onstage, we are trying to find something beautiful.

So, the next time you see me onstage,

            look really close,

because this is what I look like without all the walls and barriers:

This is who I am.

Look past the characters and the plot,

look past the fact that Tyrell kills two innocent children

            and just watch the way she walks.

Look at how she holds herself:

            how she leans back,

            how when she smiles

                        the tip of her tongue taps her top teeth.

Watch the way she bows before King Richard:

            she loves to be big and grandiose.

She speaks slowly,    

savoring the words because she loves the way they sound.

This character, Tyrell can be cut seamlessly from the play.

            You can turn out the lights on the two scenes she has,

but between her lines, backstage between scenes, and during intermission when I was still changing costumes,

            I wrote her a backstory.

The lights always come up on character who was somebody’s daughter.

The ability to cry onstage isn’t the mark of a good actress;

            It doesn’t mean we’ve been possessed by the devil.

We just found ourselves in the character

            and we cry because, in context, we are sad.

Acting is not a career,

            it is not art or a message.

We are not humans telling humans how to be human.

            We just want to tell you a story.

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I really like where this is headed, but I feel like it needs refinement. I'm just not sure where... I feel like cutting from: "So the next time you see me onstage" all the way to "Savoring the words because she loves the way they sound".