Remembrances

I remember the day you applauded me               for doing what everyone else was doing 

I remember the moment you trusted me with the opportunity to shine

I remember when I realized you had inspired a love in me before I knew what you were doing

I have the pictures of my laugh hair thrown back       careless     safe.

I remember the frustration leading up to the day you took those pictures

I remember the crushing weight of being less

I remember wondering Do I deserve this?

I remember explaining over and over I can’t leave him you don’t understand         love 

I remember defending you and the moment when I knew It was destroying me

I remember the veil that fell from my beautiful world when you left me     alone

I don’t remember all of the faces I have told I was leaving you.

I’m still here because I have that picture I want to have that happiness I want to remember again

I am here waiting for the day you will       applaud me again             or even just smile at me 

I am here you saw me once believed in me once I was not alone

Here

Still here 

but the memories of old are fading under the weight of now.

RESENTMENT 

Is so much heavier 

Than joy.