1) hates
the cold, hates the snow
2) wears
lizards like accessories
3) loves
science, loves animals
4) is
getting an art degree because her first plan wouldn’t pay well
5) loves
characters; modern, fantastical ones only
6) old
French ones, too
7) hunts
for pets in the park pond
8) eight
bright lights in her room; seven for her reptiles
9) taught
herself French. Until it got boring
10) taught
herself Prussian after that
11) doesn’t
like meat
12) makes
bad-smelling, good-tasting ramen
13) needs
people; people are dumb
14) kept
a pet wolf spider named Wolfgang in a jar. Wolfgang laid eggs
15) left
Wolfgangetta on my porch over the winter; the jar was gone by spring
16) dresses
up like her favorite characters
17) doesn’t
like Christmas; people are dumb
18) sews
her favorite characters
19) kept
pet mantises in elementary school; caught and crippled prey for them to eat
20) dyed
her brown hair blonde and cut it
21) for
her favorite characters
22) keeps
a possessive, smoke-colored cat at home
23) is
better with people than me, contrary to science
24) considered
really being called Maurine
25) if
you knew her, you would know why that wouldn’t work
I love all of these lines. They are all so descriptive and wonderful. The only comment I have regarding where you could perhaps improve would be with the semicolons. In some lines, it works beautifully, as with the 'people are dumb' comments. I love those so much.
ReplyDeleteBut with lines 9 and 14, I almost feel as if a different punctuation would be better... such as, for example, 'taught herself French. Until it got boring' or maybe something like 'taught herself French, until it got boring' or maybe even giving 'until it got boring' its own line... same with the Wolfgang line.
I love both of these parts though, and that is simply a suggestion, so whatever you feel is best. :)
It's a lovely poem, and I look forward to more works~
(I know it's been like a week, but whatever)
DeleteI agree, looking back at this now. Those would definitely be improvements, and I am about to make those changes. Thank you!