((This is the second poem I've written that will *hopefully* be part of a collection of "fairytale" poems. I struggled with this one more than I should have, so I'm sort of unsure of it. I'm wondering if this piece would fit in a "fairytale" poetry collection. So, tell me what you think.))
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THE CHANGELING
By Kathy Reynolds
There is a monster in the Castle.
And the Monster has bat wings and no arms.
And the Princess writes poems to the Monster,
And the Monster writes no poems back.
The walls are written in gold and blood
And they are to unite their kingdoms in Hell.
The King and the Queen;
The Tyrant and the Queen.
And the Princess is a Queen,
And the Queen writes no poetry.
There is a Monster in the Castle.
And the Castle is lined in ice
And the Castle is built in stone that does not freeze.
And the Queen writes no poetry;
And she has no arms to write with, anymore.
I have absolutely no idea what it is that you're trying to tell me.
ReplyDeleteAhhh
ReplyDeleteThis is lovely. <3
I loveee the sound of the poem and how it flows. Especially how the monster doesn't write back, and the Princess writes poems, and then the Princess is a Queen, but she doesn't write poems... my head. It sounds wonderful and is pleasing to read.
The only thing I would be careful with would be the last paragaph... I feel like the 'Castle is built in stone that does not freeze' is a bit of a repeat of the line before it, and then... I don't know, I feel as if the transition from the 2nd to last line to the last line could be smoother. Something like...
And the Queen writes no poetry.
She has no arms to write with anymore.
That's just a suggestion, but something like that would flow better, in my humble opinion.
It's a wonderful poem though. I think it could fit the 'fairytale' collection very well. :)
I think the flow of this poem is great. The words are really perfect for the way the poem reads off the page and I think it would sound incredible.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you need the 'and' in the last line. Also, I would change the ';' in the second stanza with the king and queen line to a colon because then you are definitely presenting the king as the tyrant, unless that wasn't the meaning and I totally read it all wrong...
But other than that, I really like it.
I like it a lot you are really good at the darker side of fairytales. I like the ambiguity too is the queen the moster or is she becoming the monster? no one knows.......
ReplyDeleteApparently you did not understand last time when you told me to write down the critique I gave you in person, so here 'tis again.
ReplyDeleteThe walls are written? I don't understand.
They are to unite their kingdoms? The walls? That were written?
Also, is the castle lined *in* ice, or with ice? I think they mean the same thing, but the latter is what I'm used to hearing. Same thing with the stone that does not melt, except I much prefer it as "in' than "with." I mean, in means that you have a castle coated in ice that is in lava.
And I guess I'll tack on this, too: don't write every poem in this collection in this style. It's really cool on its own, but this going on and on and on would get tedious, like when someone reads Shakespeare all sing-songy.